Superabo!

That means I Overcame! Which, with my limited vocab, is about as close to I FUCKING ROCKED THAT LATIN EXAM! as I can come. And we'll just ignore the fact that it's actually in imperfect tense, which implies an ongoing/incomplete action, when it should be a plain ole past tense. But we haven't done those, so that's just as good as it gets for now.

Of course, the point is - I think I just aced my first Latin Exam! Woo-Fucking-Hoo!!!!!!!!! I finally buckled down and studied for it last night, and after about the first hour, something just sort of clicked and I started seeing all the connections between the words and the declensions and stuff. YAY ME! It was a really amazing feeling, like I was just ON and I GOT it! It was like I feel in my other classes, but I had yet to feel in Latin.

Of course, the semester marches on and we're already on a new chapter that has me puzzled, but at least my intensive studying (5 hours straight) caught me up with the material already covered. I can't believe I'm doing so well in Latin - let's all just pray I can keep it up, right?

On other news - well, hell, right now there is no other news. I'm just gonna ride this wave of elation all the way to my doctor appointment (gotta get stuck, yuck) and then on to math, where I'm sure I'll come crashing down like a junky who needs a fix. Oh well, such is the life of the A-obsessed college student.

See ya!

Ouch
Yep, it's headache time again... wheeeeee.

The hangover from Friday night (WOOHOO) teamed up with the allergies from the Big E (Think Texas State Fair with seafood) and then they went for a midnight run with the weather changes, joined by the dry heat from my radiator, and now I've got one doozy of a migraine coming on. Took an Anaprox before I even got out of bed this morning, tried to sleep it off a bit, have drunk copious amounts of water, and still it's there, hovering, teasing, laughing at me...

But I cannot afford to let myself be side-tracked by the pain, no, I must forge ahead and muster up all my mental and physical strength for the journey ahead - studying for my first Latin exam! ::::::cue dramatic music here:::::::

Yep, my day will be consumed with first and second declension nouns and adjectives (male, female and neuter) along with the first and second verb conjugations, a plethora of vocabulary and the damn sum, possum, potsum crap. Oh yeah, also the future and past imperfect tenses (which I sorta like cuz the was/will trick makes them sorta easy.)

Oh yeah, it's gonna be fun. I just don't think it's fair that my one friend who has actually survived, nay, excelled at Latin, Ms. Stump the Roman herself, lives 1800-freakin'-miles away from me.

Well, on that cheerful note, I'm off to breakfast, in the hopes that some protein and soda might combine forces to defeat the evil headache and make the world safe for Latin once again.

Oh Yeah Baby!

I finally got a chance to surf the ring today, and came across this lovely quiz. This is the happiest I've ever been about a quiz result, since, after all, I did dress up as her for at least two halloweens as a child, and even now have a picture of her on my door! Yay Wonder Woman! Thanks to Tuesday's Child for the link....





I'm Diana, which ambiguous dyke are you? Quiz by Turi.

And Then

And then I made the mistake of clicking on this "newly updated blog" that was some sort of White Pride bullshit, and I may well seethe into the morning rather than sleep. It's mostly empty for now, only one link works and that only has a paragraph. But clearly, it's only the beginning. I know there's tons of this stuff out there, but god. To come across it like this. Ugh. And I just finished reading "Extraordinary Evil, Ordinary People," which deals with the Holocaust in some rather graphic terms. Damn.

WHY?

Why am I up? It's an ungodly 2:36 a.m. (actually, it's a pretty godly time, but not to be awake!) and I'm sitting at my computer sending random comments to strange email lists, after finally completing three homework tasks. I translated the exciting story of Io from Latin to English, tripping up on only one word (stulta - foolish, but could it also be fooled? It makes more sense as fooled. Oh well)

I fixed a reaction paper and fought with Yahoo to send the damn thing - tomorrow I get to write another one (yeah, the first one was a little late... but he doesn't care. Yeehaw.) And I got an email listing me as a contact person for the skillshare for the Feminist Collective that I seem to have joined. First meeting was tonight. A bunch of eager little first-years and a handful of upperclasswomen with three bags of chocolate. Yummy. And the chocolate was good too. lol. Anyway, I'm NOT going to take on too much this year, but they did have this great idea of a skill share (one teaches how to knit, another teaches how to make paper, whatever. all crafty and shit.) and I thought it would be a nifty thing to open up to the community at large, as sort of a publicity/membership drive sort of thingamajiggie... they liked the interpretation apparently, cuz I just got an email listing me as a contact person for it. HAHA. See if I ever open my mouth up in there again. Well, okay, I probably will. I'm just a loudmouthed, opinionated bitch like that. Oh well. But I like this group - it's not overly ambitious, and the leadership is WAY relaxed. It's all "do what you wanna do, be what you wanna be" which I enjoy.

By the way - 9 months is an INCREDIBLY long time. Just sayin'.

And I miss her. It kills me, but I do. Though, in fact, I think this is one of those days that I miss them all. I miss having someone to love, someone to carry close in my heart, someone that's mine. It's a longing... partly because I've had a taste - just a taste, like a drop of ice cream instead of a whole cone - of that connection. Like giving a rum cake to an alcoholic. The longing came strong today, not overpowering, but present - deeply present. It's all good though, lets me know I can still feel in those parts of my heart. Other parts are still unnacounted for... but there is hope, perhaps. So yeah, I miss her, but only in that I miss the idea of a "her", the feeling of a "her." It's just been "me" for awhile now, a fact that is basically just fine, but on days like this, with the full moon tugging at me, well... it just brings on the longing.

Hmmm, maybe now that I've purged that I can go get some sleep.... Amazing how this blog helps me put words to thoughts and feelings I can barely identify in other arenas (like phone calls with good friends...)

Inspired by the Uberfrau

Well, I loved the anagram idea, so here's a few I found ( I would say I came up with them, but y'all would know I was lying and that I used one of many online anagram generators, in this case, this one)

Artemis Out Loud
A Multitude Or So
To a Rum Solitude
I Must Lead Or Out
I'm a Delores Tutu
I Detour To a Slum

Haikus of the News
A Sweetish Funk Ho
Whoa, Seek Fun Shit
Fiesta! Whose Hunk?
He Won't Fake Sushi

Pulp Friction
Prolific Punt
Clip If Torn Up
Clip If Pun Rot
Tropic Fun Lip
Curl Of Nip Tip
Cult of Rippin'

More to come later, I'm off to shop for trashy lingerie.....

There She Is....

Miss America! Yes, while my fellow bloggers are fixated on Survivor and the like, I am watching the original reality TV show, the Miss America competition, with a mix of reactions that range from feminist outrage to thinly disguised envy to horrified fascination to the occasional lecherous grin.

I especially liked the way they tried to camoflauge the swimsuit competition as Lifestyle and Fitness *in* Swimsuit, in which the contestants are allowed to wear bikini or one-piece suits. They'd show a little clip of the contestant doing their thing - trampoline jumping, running and horseback riding were among the *bouncier* choices - and then they would have the lovely lady walk down the ubiquitous set of stairs in their impossibly high heels, parading their goods for all to see... some of those girls really knew how to walk - not to mention how to choose a swim suit! WooHoo! Course, all of them could have used about a year of good eating before I'd be all that interested, but still... they were awfull purty.

The evening gown portion was fabulous as usual - there were more spangles and beads than at a Junior League social, and they got to tell heartwarming stories about why they chose their father/grandfather/cousin to escort them down the staircase... how fucking sweet. It made me start thinking... who would escort me? What male - and I'm assuming they would be sort of strict on the biologically born part - would I deem important enough to walk me down that staircase, should the world spin backwards and I end up as a contestant? Hmmmmm, no father to speak of... grandfather's have both died.... no brothers, uncles or others.... there is my mom's cousin, who is cool, but I only know him in a distant sort of way. Though he is gay and looks good in a tuxedo... I decided I'd end up going with my old boss, who filled some sort of odd father/mentor role while I was a the paper, and who looks pretty damn good when he's all dressed up. But how sad is that that the closest man I have in my life is an employer? A former employer at that? Sheesh. I gotta get outta this chick-refuge and make some guy friends!

Anyway, back to the pageant... one of the most frightening parts was the new quiz show format they've added, where the final five contestants get behind little answer screens ala Weakest Link as Wayne Brady (I love him!) asks them mostly ridiculously easy questions interspersed with the occasional really hard one... I actually found myself competing with the poor dears, but of course, it wasn't a fair fight! After all, they may have beauty (and money and great teeth and tiny waists and perfect breasts and all that other meaningless crap) but dammit - I know my trivial facts and basic historical knowledge! Hell yeah!

So, you may ask... who am I voting for? Well, I was shooting for Miss Oklahoma who just seems like a cute little country doll, but she just got third place... and I don't like either of the last two - Ug-lee! But, after all, it's not a beauty contest, it's a scholarship competition, so looks are not what is important. Yeah. Whatever.

Well, the show is over... gotta go make a phone call.

Wait - question for my readers, answer in the comments.... if you were going to compete in Miss America, what would your talent be? I'm not sure what mine would be - after all, the things I'm really good at either are way too boring (writing features, say) or way too exciting (use your imagination) to do in front of an audience. Perhaps I'd find a way to demonstrate my shopping ability, or I could do the RAD positions from self-defense class. But enough about me... what would your talent be?

Identity Crisis

Last night was the Student Activities Fair, which is where each and every student org. and club sport (wo)mans a table filled with flyers, candy, mailing list sign-ups and the occasional free pen. This is all in an attempt to lure you into their little web of meetings, obligations, time commitments and frequent bouts of petty in-fighting. Oh, and also fun outlets for social, political, athletic and creative interests, of course.

The tables are crammed right next to each other in our largest auditorium, six rows making three long aisles that were quickly filled with eager new students and the occasional uncommitted returning student like myself. You see, the group I worked with last year left a sour taste in my mouth - we fell apart after the first semester, and the 'zine I was responsible for never was finished, much to my regret. This year they are getting some new energy, which will be good, but honestly, I'm just not interested. I think, for one thing, I just don't have the same energy for a queer group that the younger, more newly-out ones do - they're all just so damn enthusiastic about being gay. And, also, they turned out to have earned their reputation as the clearinghouse for much of the alterna-dyke-drama that occurs on campus, and I prefer to live my own drama, not have to suffer through others'.

So, there I was wandering down the aisles, reading the signs and checking out the literature... should I join the fencing club and get to play with foils? Maybe the Rennaissance and Medieval Club, where life is one long Ren-Faire? Or how about the Psychology Club, which I can only imagine spends its time analyzing each other over popcorn.

However, I ended up going with a more political bent, signing up for the Campus Democrats and the Feminist Collective, who I worked with a bit last year on the Clothesline Project. I also signed up for the photography club, though I don't know if I'll have time to really get into that. I just think it's a shame that I bought a decent camera a few years ago, took half of a photog. class, and still really don't know how to use it. That was it for the activity sign-up, though I may still make it to a few of those Ren-Faire type activities... I do look good in a corset, after all!

By the way, they're showing Bound on tv right now, which I find just very odd. Odd and wrong. But still, I'll rarely turn down a chance to watch one of the best flicks around. Though I missed the hot sex scene.... :(

ARGH!

I just wrote a really, really long post, and somehow this stupid mac ate it. DAMNITDAMNITDAMNITDAMNIT!

CRAP.

Okay, I have to go now, but I'll try to recreate it later...

DAMN

In Lieu of Actual Writing...



Take the Bear Quiz at quizlets.tk by Krysten

Double Ouch

Still have a headache. Head hurts. Need to chew, nothing to chew on. Grumpy. Bored. Should read paper, but head hurts. Will read paper and make head hurt more, because hey - that's what good students do.

And what's up with no love on the reblog about my acing my first Latin quiz?

Me go pout now. God I hope this Imitrex starts working soon...

Ouch

I have a headache. It's a migraine, actually, but I keep thinking that if I don't call it that, then it won't happen. It's clearly because of the weather, which is laying like a big wet wool blanket, choked with sweat, on top of the entire campus. Ugh.

On a much more positive note, I did get a 30 out of 30 on my Latin quiz, so I'm much cheered up by that. And I just found out that my math class will have no tests. God I love this school.

I'm at work, I just cheated for a few so I could blog about my miserably pounding head.... send all sympathy this way, and pray for the rain to come on with it and then go away.

TaDa!

Completed this weekend:

Read seven chapters of History book (actually already the 8th, it's just a good book)
Read one article written by Socio. Prof.
Translated one paragraph version of Pandora's Box
Completed two spreadsheets for Math
Read two complete New York Times and clipped several stories to discuss in class.

Yep, in other words, I did ALL MY HOMEWORK! I rock, I know it, woohoo. Of course, the homework wasn't all that strenuous, just about 8-10 hours of work total. Still to do is reading the book for Socio that's so expensive they kept it on reserve at the library rather than having us buy it. I'll do that Tuesday before class.

Can it really be this easy? Can I really be done with my homework? And I also managed to tidy up my room (still haven't gone through all the misc. crap in bags around the room, but it's clean) and go shopping (half of which I'm returning) Added to the repotting of all my plants that my friend did for me, and it was quite a productive weekend.

Oh yes - and I think I found a church! A real church, with faith, and community, and a feeling of warmth even on my first visit. I'll still visit a few others, but I have a feeling I'll be coming home to this one.

I'm exhausted now, so I'm off to bed....

Good Reading

If any of y'all like historical autobiography, journalism, or inside gossip on New York's history, go read The Trust: The Private and Powerful Family Behind the New York Times. I've only read the first 7 chapters (it's assigned for my class) and I'm already sold on the rather large book... it's just fabulous! I spent the afternoon finishing my chapters and getting started on today's Times while sitting over a late lunch, then outside on a quiet park bench. God, it was a wonderful day.

I'm off to do more reading, clipping out the stories I find interesting so I have something to say during class, and then I move to Latin. I love weekends like this...

Tired

Just got home from movie (The Good Girl, not quite as cheery as I'd hoped) and drinks at the Outback (yummy and peachy) and now I'm going to bed.

Feeling rather down, to tell the truth. Must have been the movie. I'll feel better in the morning....

Let's All Go to the Movies

Doesn't it just make you think of the cute little concession cartoons, dancing their way as the catchy tune wafts over them? Yeah, me too....

I'm headed off to the theater with a friend (no-kissy from blogs past) to see The Good Girl, starring Jennifer Aniston as a 30-year-old Texas girl stuck in a dead end job and dead end life... Hmmm, sound familiar? Though I don' t know that they'd pick Jennifer Aniston to play me, at least not if they were being at all realistic! Oh, and apparently her twang is quite pronounced... critique to follow at a later date.

Grieving

I feel like it's so cliche to blog about the anniversary, but then, what else is there to write about? I had classes today, and only one even mentioned it, but it's just omnipresent.

My morning began much like it did a year ago, with my waking up and turning to the news channels. Last year it was a leftover habit from being a reporter, today it was a change from my usual Buffy/ER/Mash morning fare. Flipping between the Today Show and several other stations, I watched memorials from all over, as the entire world shared in our pain, as well as mourning the loss of their own countryment. And when 8:46 came, and the moment of silence fell across the country, I cried... heaving sobs, for the lost lives, for my lost innocence, and for our lost sense of safety. Then it was race to class and go about my day.

The campus held a memorial service during lunch, which I chose not to attend, mainly because I had a class just 10 minutes after that I wanted to be in emotional shape for, not enter with red swollen eyes and a mind distracted by grief. But now I find, classes over and memorial service past, that I have not done enough - I have not done whatever it is that is required by my soul to mark this painful day.

My friends feel the same, or some do, at least... so we are gathering tonight, after dinner, at the bridge that spans lower lake. I will bring flowers for remembrance, sadness, peace and hope. We will share our memories, our feelings, our hopes and our fears, or perhaps we will share nothing but silence. Then we will each take a flower and toss it over the bridge, to watch it be swept away by the brook... And then, moment over, we're heading off to do laundry and down a few at the local pub. Talk about life going on.

I have nothing all that deep to say, nothing so much to add to what has been written online and in print, about how this act affected us, how it has shrunk the world and shaken our beliefs, how it has pushed us to war while simultaneously making us understand the horror in a way we never perhaps did, the way it has scarred our collective psyche to a degree unprecedented in American history. Nothing to add but my own quiet agreement, my own simple fears, my own unspecified mourning for people I never knew and places I never visited. I am so sad today, that words begin to fail me... my tears seem so meaningless, and yet so unavoidable.

But still, I vote for peace. That is a hard sentence to write, for my urge is to say kill them all.... but knowing that there is no such thing as a surgical strike, that there is no possible way that war can bring retribution only to those who commited the crime while sparing the innocent, knowing that, I cannot vote for war. I can, however, vote for justice, for trials, for Nuremberg Part II. But war, war is only giving the terrorists what they want, it is only allowing ourselves to be sucked into the plans they laid so many months ago, only sinking to their level. I hope and pray that others will share this belief, and that we will walk the thin line of justice without war, retribution without revenge, and security without oppression.

That's enough from me... I'm off to buy my flowers...

Peace be with you all today, and every day, and may your hearts be eased by a faith in some higher power or higher purpose.

Overwhelmed
I am tired. I am hungry. I am watching daytime tv (Days of Our Lives, of course) and trying to decide between taking a nap and getting a bowl of cereal. Maybe I'll get a bowl of cereal and THEN take a nap. Who knows. I love Mondays. Well, this monday at least, next monday I start work... :(:(:(

Latin is kicking my ass already, after only three sessions. After years of only guessing the misery my friends went through with test anxiety and the like, I can now fully relate. When I'm in that class, I feel shaky and insecure, and as soon as he begins presenting new information it's as though I've got a teflon coating on my brain, repelling any and all knowledge in an effort to protect myself from the sharp edges of declensions, ablatives, pluperfects and other mysteries of the Roman world. I'm actually thinking I'll have to break down and use all those pesky resources like tutors, professor office hours, and study guides that I've always been able to ignore.

Then I went to my math class, which is simultaneously frustrating and promising. It's Qualitative Reasoning, an interdepartmental course that has three teachers - one from comp. sci., one from history, one from sociology. The first third we learn how to use spreadsheets to organize and manipulate data, using "life-skills" stuff for the most part, like mortgages, loans, etc. Just like my last math-for-dummies course I took at community college that they did not accept because it wasn't "real" enough. The second part we look at the expansion of the railroad in 19th century England and Wales and the resulting change in population, migration patterns, using the newly acquired math/spreadsheet skills from the first. We learn about GIS for that part. The third part is a look at race and residency in our state, with a focus on social inequality and racial housing patterns. We're using SPSS for that part, and will be exploring and analyzing the U.S. Census for that one. All in all, the class seems interesting and with a lot of application in my future career, whether I teach history or go back to journalism. But that doesn't mean I have to like it!

My other two classes start Tuesday and Wednesday, so I'll give updates of those when I can. One is at a neighboring college, so I'm sorta excited/nervous about that...

Well, I've run out of words (didn't get a very large allotment today, it seems) so I gotta go.

Tipsy

So, like the new adjective headlines? Good. Okay, so I'm tipsy, perhaps bordering on drunk. Went to a school dance tonight, after the crowd met in my room for "cocktails" I drank several rum and diet cokes, and am feeling little pain, except for in my heart. Typical.

Long day, long week, so much to say, but so little desire to say it. I'm happy and unhappy at the same time, at times for the same reason. But through it all, I am proud to say that I have learned the following:

Voco, Vocas, Vocat, Vocamus, Vocatis, Vocant. I call, you call, he/she/it calls, we call, y'all call, they call. I rock, even drunk.

Exhausted

I've been unpacking, and unpacking, and unpacking, and still my room is not done. Of course, that unpacking has been sandwiched in between doses of running around campus figuring out my schedule - of course I ended up keeping all the classes I started with - and visiting with friends I have not seen since May.

I did not realize that this coming back to school thing would be such a big deal - I mean, it's a really interesting phenomenon, as everyone comes back to the circle, slightly different but still the same, and we all hug and cuddle and then sort of figure out where we fit this time around. Some people who weren't close last year are spending lots of time together, while others who were inseperable are barely hanging around each other. Nothing malicious, just one of those things. And it will continue, as our new schedules put us together and tear us apart in various ways. It's exciting, and scary, and oh-so-cliche in so many ways.

I find that I'm sort of sad and grumpy, because I am always frustrated by being around people who are very close and intimate and loving towards each other - either as couples or good friends - because I seem to have an invisible force field that keeps that behavior from me. I have really realized how much my own walls, my own inner defense mechanisms, are to blame for the deep-seated loneliness I feel. It's all about insecurity and low self-esteem and the absence of trust in others. And it's something I'm trying to change, though I'm not exactly sure how. For now I'm making an effort to mimic others who are comfortable with touching, hugging, petting and the like, which seems like a primary method of communicating closeness around here. At first (like most of last year,) it made me very uncomfortable to engage in all the huggy-kissy-cuddle-puddles that my friends participate in. But towards the end of the spring, and now as we go into fall, I'm trying to be more physical, to reach out to the women I speak to, to allow them to reach out to me. It feels good, and I think it's a good start...

It has been nice to see how happy my friends are to see me - makes me feel all loved and loveable and suchlike... two of the trads woke me up the other morning and pounced on me while I was still in bed (trapped there by my refusal to wear anything other than a shirt to sleep in, I might add) And another one came to my door before she even got her own room key... Nice to know I was missed... these really are women who may very well still be in my life a decade later, which is saying quite a lot for me. There's only one person in my life who's known me from as long ago as 1995, and only a handful of others date back to 1997/98 - and most of those are at work! But that's changing... I've got a few people I count as true friends back home, and a few I'm making here.... it feels good.

I want to do some general updates from my unplanned absence, but that might have to wait till tomorrow. After all, it is almost 2 a.m. and I start Intro to Latin tomorrow morning! EEK!

Where Am I?

Or rather, where have I been? It's just been crazy... moving, leaving the one job, dealing with everyone coming back, dealing with all my emotions, all my stuff... crazy, I tell you!

However, I'm back, and I'll update more either tonight or tomorrow....

:::::::::::::: waving HI! at whoever might still be reading this thing :::::::::::::::